The Delilah diary

This is just meant for short statements, thoughts, feelings and basically anything that doesn’t fit the main purpose of this blog. It’s like a public diary on the life of dealing with ailing parents who I once thought actually loved me.

Don’t get me wrong this is not about a pity party this is about the angst of dealing with individuals that look like your parents but they are no longer your parents. Age & illness change us all. Unfortunately for me my father has become meaner and my mom more complacent & less willing to fight.

Don’t get me wrong I don’t fault her at all. Emergency gastrectomy, MRSA, loosing an eye to MRSA, chemo, blood transfusions, crazy blood sugar levels, cataract causing vision loss all while your husband goes through his list of health issues, can one blame her for not having much will to fight an overbearing husband.  Neither can I that’s why I was sure to not marry anyone like that.

Don’t get me wrong dealing with all that listening to her throw up across the house knowing there’s nothing you can do. Watching her hair turn from being dark to white. Watching her look like she’d aged 1o years. Driving 6-8 hrs to visit with her, then check on my dad and back home. It was definitely not a cake walk. It’s just sad that I did all those things and they mean nothing. All while dealing with other things such as an ailing aunt, work, family & several break ins at their home while they were hospitalized.

My father on the other hand is the opposite. He’s bent on making my sister and I’s life a living hell. Funny I’m sure if our brother Steven was still here he wouldn’t do these things to him. My father in his attempts to trash me has dismembered the business that I worked so hard to keep going over the past year. Not to mention threats to take my home because he holds the mortgage. Don’t get me wrong but I do love my home but it’s an inanimate object I’m willing to loose.

Ah but how did my dad get to this point why is he bent on making my life a living hell. Easiest explanation would be payback. Even though I’m the oldest my father has always made me feel inadequate & unworthy. Why can’t you get the good grades Steve gets, or how everything was always my fault. Can’t count how many times I was spanked & forced to stand in the corner all day for something that I didn’t do. What’s worse was being punished over something one of his employees did but he was sure I’d done it. So that was 6 hrs in the corner.

So it could simply be that but, when he over dosed on his Fentanyl patches last year and wouldn’t go to the hospital or see a doctor. Netanya & I sat down because we feared for his life. It’s funny how all that Vet Tech Training she had helped us realize some of his issues. Sadly some of these issues you don’t just notice but others you do such as Nystagmus, Edema, constant diarrhea, erratic blood pressure were just a few signs that there was a problem.  The stress of all that on top of my mom’s issues I got sick. Really sick. That’s when the final straw for Netanya & myself hit. He’d gone to the hospital of his own volition because he’d overdosed on the Fentanyl and was having a hard time breathing. It was at this time that both Netanya & I got sick. We were stupid. We thought we had a break. We were wrong.

1 am Netanya gets a frantic call to come get him from the hospital. 2 am he shows up at the house in a cab with nothing but a hospital gown on. The hospital released him against doctors orders, called him a cab & physically placed him in the cab. They even went as far as to tell the cab their would be someone to help him. Ya me! I felt horrible for the cabby. I had to call 911 and get 4 people to come help me get him inside.

It was the next day I went to the courts with my sister and got the Marchman Act done on my dad.

So now you know where I’m coming from….

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